Drowning Lessons
by FallFromGrace1191
Summary: Hermoine has a secret that she doesn't want anyone to find. The first day back to Hogwarts, Harry flips her life upside down. DMHG Warnings: Self Harm
1. Drowning Lessons

Drowning Lessons 

She ran the blade lightly over her fingertips; testing its sharpness. Assured of its potential, she rested the steel shank on her left wrist. As she dragged it across her almost transparent skin, crimson beads of blood formed over the thin incision. Excruciating pleasure flowed through her veins. Her skin tingled and a voilent shudder took over her.

"_Kill_

_Smile_

_Cut it out for me this time_

_Smile_"

Her eyes focused once more as she found herself staring at the wall with blood running down her wrists. It dripped onto her bed slowly. Suddenly, she noticed the pool of blood dampening her bed and cursed loudly. She pressed a stained sock against her arm and applied pressure. After a few minutes, she stopped and sighed. It was the first day back to Hogwarts.

Hermoine Granger dragged the trunk behind her, pausing momentarily to catch her breath. She stepped through the barrier between platfroms nine and ten and was taken into another world; another universe. A small smirk graced her lips as she continued dragging her trunk towards the entrance of the Hogwarts Express. She was unexpectedly taken into a strong hug from behind and froze in shock. Hermoine turned her head and saw that it was none other than Harry Potter. She smiled and turned to return the hug. She looked around wondering.

"Harry, I'm so glad to see you! Where's Ron?"

Harry's emerald eyes darkened with resurfacing memories, "Hermoine... I. He.. Ron is gone"

She stared at him disbelievingly, tilting her head to the side. She smiled, "Harry, stop joking with me. It's not funny. Now seriously, where is he"

Harry grasped Hermoine's shoulders and stared into her eyes. "I'm not lying. He's gone"

Her breath was beginning to catch in her throat. She started breathing harder and harder.

"Bbut, what happened?" she said while tears escaped from her eyes.

"It was my fault," Harry looked down greatly pained, "We were flying around and we went over a lake and I swerved in front of him. He fell right off his broom and landed in the water." Harry's throat tightened so much, he could barely talk. "You know how he isn't much of a swimmer"  
Hermoine's caramel eyes widened the farthest they had ever. "His pant leg got caught on an old piece of metal at the bottom of the lake. He was down there for so long before we found him. When we did, it was too late"

"Oh my God, Harry"

"I'm so so sorry, Hermoine. I never meant to. I would never..." his voice broke trying to search for the words that would make it all better. For her and for him. For Ron.

"It isn't your fault. It isn't. It was a mistake." She continued this chant hoping it would soothe her soul as much as Harry's. She enveloped him in a bone crushing hug and held on for dear life. She had to hold on.

Hermoine was sitting on the padded bench found in the Head's compartment. The title of Head Girl was wasted on her at the moment. Tear stains flowed down her cheeks and her eyes were slightly swollen. She stared into nothingness.

The door of the compartment opened slowly and the last person she expected to see kneeled in front of her. Draco Malfoy stared into her honey eyes.

"What happened, Granger?" He seemed strangely sincere.

"Ron is..." she couldn't finish her sentence and starting gasping for air. Tears leaked out from her eyes and streamed down her face. His face cringed in sympathy and he pulled Hermoine's head onto his shoulder and wrapped his arms around her fragile frame. She leaned all her weight on him and felt the safest she had all day.

Hermoine inhaled deeply and the scent of Draco's cologne filled her nostrils. A shudder ran through her body. He felt so warm compared to his usual cold, hard personality. She savored the moment.

Draco felt the heat radiating off her body. He never wanted to let go. The smell of her shampoo was intoxicating. It just felt so... right.  
Once again the door of the compartment slid open and there stood none other than Harry Potter.

The two immediately broke apart and looked highly uncomfortable in present company. His mouth dropped open in surprise. He turned and walked out, gently closing the door behind him. Hermoine and Draco looked at each other. Her brown eyes connecting with his icy blues. They knew. This was something else.

ahh, hey you guys! This is the first thing I have ever written in this category or even for fanfiction! I hope you liked it and I will definately update soon. Review and I'll know what i need to improve on and then I can make this an even better story. Love you guys!

Rae


	2. So Long And Goodnight

So Long and Goodnight

Sitting at the Gryffindor table was supposed to be where Hermoine felt she belonged. It seemed it wasn't so anymore. She sat awkwardly next to Harry, who most of the time looked horribly depressed, and if not that he was shooting curious looks at her. Hermoine just felt... alone.

Across the table was Neville, looking as though he wasn't sure of what to do. Everyone around him had tear stained cheeks and kept their eyes down for the most part. Hermoine's stomach lurched. That's where Ron was supposed to be sitting. She breathed deeply. She couldn't afford to look weak now. It was her seventh year. The year that was supposed to be the best.

The year she would always remember.

Hermoine was snapped out of her thoughts as Dumbledore announced her name. She knew this would be coming. She cringed with unwanted anicipation.

"I'm proud to announce our new Head Girl," he paused for dramatic effect. Hermoine rolled her eyes. "Miss Hermoine Granger"

Squeaks filled the great hall as the students turned to face the melancholy teen. She did not seem to be the face of strength at this moment and they all saw. Most faced away, but others mostly found at the Slytherin table, continued to stare. Some had the nerve to laugh. Hermoine didn't care anymore. She fixed her eyes on a knot in the wooden table.

"I am sad to say that our original pick for Head Boy is not capable of being your new Head Boy," he looked humble as he stated, "We will remember Ron Weasly now, he aided this school many times, he had many friends who will now miss him terribly, and he was as brave as his Gryffindor title made him out to be, if not braver. To Ronald Weasly"

A murmur of agreement and clanking of glasses filled the hall.

Hermoine whispered, "To Ronald Weasly" and sipped her pumpkin juice.

"I would proudly like to give the Head Boy position to Draco Malfoy. I am sure he will do a fine job looking over this school." Dumbledore shot a knowing glace between Hermoine and Draco as both their heads shot up at the announcement.

She looked at Draco and his eyes caught hers. His eyes seemed to read her soul. Hermoine studied him for the first time in 3 months. He had changed over the summer, as had she. Draco had grown maybe an inch or so and his seeker's body was filled with lean muscle. The most dramatic change was his hair. After his falling out with his father, Draco attempted to remove and change all things about him that could bring up the word "Malfoy". His beautiful platinum hair was dyed jet black and fell just under his eyes. He has grown up, she thought with a hint of a smile.

Draco saw Hermoine's lips curve up as her gaze drifted over him. He was dumbfounded. She was smiling at him. He felt his heart warm. He was so glad he had given up the neo-nazi mentality against the muggle borns and half bloods. He realized how wrong it was. It took him 7 years to do it, but it had finally happened. He felt whole for the first time in his life. He looked at Granger. she looked different. She discovered eyeliner and conditioner. Smooth waves of chestnut hair flowed to the middle of her back and her vibrant eyes could be seen many meters away. He smirked.  
If not his original, condesending smirk, but a new appreciative one. He saw the color of Hermoine's cheeks turn a few shades darker as they continued this "staring contest" for well over 5 minutes.

"I hope you all had a lovely train ride and feast. But like always, all good things must come to an end. I shall send to all to bed now. Listen to the prefects and Heads, as they are put in their position to lead you. Have a wonderful night, don't let the bed bugs bite." Dumbledore stated with a wink.

The pure blooded students had absolutely no idea what he was talking about and looked as though they were afraid of getting into bed and being attacked by small creatures donning exoskeletons. Hermoine was slightly amused at the looks. She stood and waited for Harry to get up. She gave him another hug, needing one so badly, and he and she walked out of the doors and down the hall towards the Gryffindor tower.

What do you think? review pleaseee. I'm so excited about writing this, encouragement would be so amazing. Thank you all for reading!

Rae


	3. Songs That Make You Slit Your Wrists

Singing Songs That Make You Slit Your Wrists 

Hermoine arrived at Gryffindor Tower with Harry by her side. She felt closer to him at the moment then she ever had before. She hugged him once again and went off to the private room she was given for accepting the title of Head Girl.

She opened the heavy cherrywood door and looked around the magnificent room in awe. The walls were a burgundy color with black trimming. A mahogany framed canopy bed lay in the middle of the space. All of the furniture including an armoire, dresser, nightstand and chest was mahogany. Dark carpet covered the entire floor. A black comforter, sheets and pillows adorned the bed. Hermoine could tell that Dumbledore had taken her current life style into account when designing this room.

She sat on the bed and layed back staring at the dark, silk-like canopy. A sudden hunger arose in her and she made her way to the dresser. Laying on top was a black handled, stainless steel dagger. The metal glittered in the light of the lamp. It called to her.

Hermoine took hold of the handle and lowered the sleeves on her white dress shirt, exposing both of her radiantly pale shoulders. Aged scars marred the skin. But the discoloration was beauty to her. It was art.

She turned to her right shoulder and held the knife against the tormented skin. There, she carved an L. As always, the first cut was deeper than the second used for the bottom. She went over the bottom incision multiple times until she was satisfied with the amount of blood flowing from the wound. She switched side and carved a D into her left shoulder. Making the curve on the D was difficult, so needless to say, there were many cuts used.

When she was satisfied, Hermoine looked into the mirror resting on the dresser. Blood pooled in the cuts and slowly trickled down her upper arms. She felt so alive, she could barely stand it. The adrenaline rushing through her veins and spilling over her open flesh.

Hermoine wiped off the blood with toilet paper from the restroom and looked at her masterpiece. She was beautiful with the flaming red marks on her shoulders. She felt like a queen. She felt immortal.

She cleaned the blade and set it back where it was when she entered the room.Hermoine took off her now stained white dress shirt and threw it under the bed. She pulled out one of her own black tees that she slept in. The fabric of the shirt rubbed against her sore shoulders, reminding her of what she had done. Everytime she felt the ache, she smiled.

Once the high was gone,Hermoine lay in bed, thinking of Ron. Thinking of Harry. Thinking of Draco.

Her thoughts led her to a black abyss from which she unfortunately would have to wake.

b>Ahh, three chapters in one night. i'm rolling. But i want you guys to take these chapters seriously. It's a real disease for many people. I understand if you don't agree with the decision, but I thought it would fit well with the story I am trying to create. REview pretty pretty please! I put my heart into this chapter especially! love you guys

Rae


	4. We Could Be Perfect One Last Night

We Could Be Perfect One Last Night

Hermione woke with a start. She glanced at her alarm clock. 6:20.

"Damn," she muttered and stood, stretching her body out.

She walked to her private bathroom, closed the door, and removed her clothes. She stared at herself in the mirror. She realized how much she had grown. She proudly turned to the side and took in her body in profile. Not too long ago had she been a skinny, flat- chested girl. Not that she was obnoxiously developed, but she had enough curves to give her a womanly figure. Her body aside, she looked at her skin. The creamy expanse of skin seemed almost flawless.

Almost. Marks graced her skin from her shoulders to her wrists. She stared wide eyed. She couldn't decide if she should be proud that she had been able to handle the pain, that she had been able to hide the truth. It reminded her of tattoos, with a hell of a lot more satisfaction. Her eyes darkened. Would she ever be able to show her body to the person she loved without having to make excuses? She didn't want to go through with life if she would be constantly hounded by people telling her she was wrong.

Thoughts raced through her head. What if the school found out? What if... what if she was abandoned, hopeless in everyone elses' eyes. She panicked. Her heart was beating faster than it would be if she had been jogging. She started to feel sick. She bent over. Breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth. This had happened before. Anxiety attacks.

Hermoine continued to breathe in this controlled pattern for 5 minutes. The pain in her chest and stomach dissolved and was filled with emptiness. She started the shower. The hiss of the water scattering on the floor filled the spacious room. Hermoine stepped in and adjusted the temperature. She stood in the stall, letting the water pound down on her aching muscles. After a good twenty minutes, the flow of the water ceased. Hermoine stepped out.

She decided that naturally drying her hair today would be best. She had grown accustomed o the curls flowing down her body. Hermoine lined her eyes boldly with black eyeliner and put on two coats of black mascara. She applied a pale lip color to her lips and put on her required school uniform. She took one last look in the mirror and decided it was the best it could get.

Hermoine flew down the stairs to find Harry waiting at the bottom. She smiled broadly and gave him a heart warming hug.

"Ahh, the only reason Hermoine would be running this early would be that..ohhh, is it the first day of classes? I believe it is. hmm." He smiled playfully at her and she blushed mildly.

"Oh, bugger off. You know that I am not like that," she stated, trying to convince herself aswell.

"I see, well in that case, it must be the food"

Hermoine laughed, "That must be it."

It seemed the first class (which happened to be Potions) without Ron was the longest Hermoine had ever experienced. Nothing felt right. Even Snape looked even more morose than usual. He took no points that lesson nor did he give any. They were creating a Continual Sleep potion. The fumes had the whole class looking very drowsy and had their eyelids closing. When they were dismissed, a few were silently snoring. Snape solved this problem easily by smacking each and every sleeping student on the back of the head. Needless to say, the rest of the day, students were either not paying much attention or complaining of a horrible migraine. The teachers all knew who to blame.

Somehow, the night had come and Hermoine sat on a window ledge looking out at the dark forest. Her legs were up and her arms held them against her body. She rested her head on her knees. Draco spotted her from down the hallway and decided to visit her. He placed his hand in the middle of her back. Hermoine's head shot up from it's resting position. She relaxed in relief when she saw it was Draco.

"Hermoine, I wanted to talk to you," Draco said uncertainly.

Her eyes wavered on his, "Of course, what is it"

"Well, yesterday... I felt something. I'm sorry if this is coming out of the blue. I mean, I just, I thought you'd want to know-" Draco sputtered out nervously. He took a deep breath, grateful he had gotten it out.

Hermoine blinked, "What did you feel?"

Draco looked from the floor to Hermoine's eyes and back, "I felt like we were meant to be together." As Hermoine drew breath, he flinched, preparing for the worst.

"I did too"

Definately not what he was expecting. His whole face brightened and he smiled charmingly at her.

"I hope this isn't too early, but I would like to ask you to be with me. Please be my girlfriend," he pleaded, prayed to Merlin that she would say yes. He just knew that it would be a decision they would never regret.

Hermoine stared at him for a moment. Thoughts spun around in her head. She didn't know what to do. But being this close to Draco just felt right. She felt alive again.

"I would love to," she said with a smile.

They both looked at each other with elated smiles. Hermione flung her arms around Draco's neck and he wrapped his arms around her waist. A sense of pure contentment spread through both of their bodies. For this small portion of time, everything was perfect.

**Mwhahaha, well at least we finally got a lil bit out of them. I wonder what is to come...? review and I'll think of it quicker. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I'm thinking of creating a little drama in the next few. Can anyone guess:P okay, well. Pleasseeee review. Love you guys!**

**Rae**


	5. Author's Note

Authors Note 

Hey you guys.I really like writing this story and I like the base plot of it all, but I feel like I executed it horribly. I feel like it's really bare, and I don't know how I'm going to fix that. Compared to a lot of other stories, I have like 3 characters that I talk about and others have maybe 20 or more. ugh, I just don't know what to do right now. If anyone would like to help me redo my story a little bit, making it longer just by adding in a lot of things that I carelessly took out or forgot to put it, that would be awesome. but yeah. I'm gonna try to work this out, but I'm not sure how it's gonna happen. All my love.  
Rae


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